Tag Archives: The Bachelorette 12

Posted on by

Ranking the Cast of The Bachelorette 12 (Part 4)

For part 1 click here.
For part 2 click here.
For part 3 click here.

 

7. Chase

(photo credit: abc.com)

(photo credit: abc.com)

Does Chase have a shot at winning JoJo’s heart? Possibly. BUT, he is going to have to do something to stand out from the rest of the guys. He is just kind of there. I am sure he is in no danger of being sent home any time soon, but based on reading his bio, he will completely blend in with the other guys, and be forgotten about, if he doesn’t make big moves early on.

My prediction: Episode 6 will come and Chase will have his first confessional. All of America will be like… “Who the Hell is that guy.” And then he will be eliminated.

6. Luke

After 4.5 hours of hair and make-up, Luke is finally ready for his close-up. (photo credit: abc.com)

After 4.5 hours of hair and make-up, Luke is finally ready for his close-up. (photo credit: abc.com)

 

Honestly, I have no clue what to think of Luke. Is he a good looking dude? Is he really, really scary looking? I honestly can’t tell. Something about his eyes scream “You stupid idiot, I want to punch you in the face so bad.”

I am pretty sure my eyes look the same way when one of my students does something stupid.

From a 10 second bio on Luke, we learn the following…..

* War Veteran
*No Tattoos
* Party Starter
* He has empathy for others
* He is Patient
* He loves Forrest Gump
* He would do anything for love
* He is a team player

We get it Luke, you’re perfect. Congratulations.

Will JoJo think he is too perfect for her, and be intimidated by him? Probably.

5. Daniel

Cocky Daniel may be just what JoJo is looking for. (photo credit: abc.com)

Cocky Daniel may be just what JoJo is looking for. (photo credit: abc.com)

 

When male model, Daniel is asked by the producers if he has tattoos, his response is..

No — same reason you don’t put stickers on a Lambo. (Yes, he used “Lambo” in place of Lamborghini.)

When asked the most ridiculous question in the entire world… “Are you comfortable wearing swimwear in public?”

His response was…. “Very comfortable. Why have a lambo if you park it in the garage?”

We get it dude, you have a nice body. Get over it. Fortunately for Daniel, JoJo will want the exact opposite of Ben, and will probably fall for the bad boys of the season. Expect to see Daniel staring at himself shirtless in the mirror until at least the final 6.

 

4. Derek

Do we have a contender, or just a photogenic Banker? (photo credit: abc.com)

Do we have a contender, or just a photogenic Banker? (photo credit: abc.com)

 

Awesome things about Derek: He has compassion for others (or at least claims to), he admires Ben Franklin most in the World (or at least claims to), and he actually has a decent answer of “drunkenly skinny dipping in shark infested waters” when asked what the most outrageous thing he has ever done was.

Awful things about Derek – he refers to his own eyes as his baby-blues and says they get a lot of front end attention. He would not want to be on an island covered in cucumbers, which is very bizarre. And…. Oh, did I mention he said his baby blues get him a lot of front end attention?

Prediction: JoJo will like him a lot, but he ultimately will not be manly enough for her, despite his over-bearing attempts to be the alpha male.

3. Jordan

Time for the little Rodgers bro to have his 15 min of fame. (photo credit: abc.com)

Time for the little Rodgers bro to have his 15 min of fame. (photo credit: abc.com)

 

While Jordan is listed as a “former pro QB”, it is his brother, Aaron Rodgers, that is the real star of the family.

On paper, Jordan seems like a really cool, down-to-Earth guy. But, Chris Harrison hinted that JoJo may have some issues about the real reason he is on the show. Does he want the fame that his brother has, or does he want to find love on a reality TV show because as a good looking, former professional QB, and brother of Aaron Rodgers, apparently he can’t find love anywhere else.

My money is on the fame and notoriety, but I will hold my judgement until I get to know him a little better.

No I won’t. He wants to be famous.

 

2. Wells

Nice guys Wells is casted in the wrong season. (photo credit: abc.com)

Nice guys Wells is casted in the wrong season. (photo credit: abc.com)

 

If Wells was on any other season of The Bachelorette, I would put money on him winning. Unfortunately, he is on a season in which the Bachelorette may be looking for someone a little rougher around the edges than Wells.

JoJo will not pick Wells, but I think he has a strong chance of being the next Bachelor, and is almost a lock for Bachelor in Paradise. 


1. Chad

The new Misses JoJo? (photo credit: abc.com)

The new Misses JoJo? (photo credit: abc.com)

 

If Chad doesn’t make it to the final 5 I will be shocked. Chris Harrison has been quoted that Chad’s body is “chiseled out of bedrock.” He also rants and raves about how much everyone is going to hate or love the guy.

Chad may be the most arrogant contestant the show has ever seen. He answers most of his questions with “Myself, In 10 years. Alright, alright, alright.”

Example:

Who do you admire most in the world and why? Myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright.

Another example:

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? Myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright.

Also,

If you could have lunch with one person, who would

it be and why? Myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright.

 

Oh, and then there is this……

What is your greatest achievement to date? Being born good looking.

 

This guy may be chiseled out of stone, and devilishly handsome, but so far, he is the most egotistical guy in The Bachelorette’s history. And that is saying a lot.

All this leads me to believe that JoJo will be blinded my his masculinity, and immediately latch on to him, as he is the anthesis of Ben H.

 

Posted on by

Ranking the Cast of The Bachelorette 12 (Part 3)

For part 1 click here.
For part 2 click here.

 

14. James Taylor

The most famous man to ever be on The Bachelorette, James Taylor https://www.ryanscountdowns.com/ranking-cast-bachelorette-12/

The most famous man to ever be on The Bachelorette, James Taylor https://www.ryanscountdowns.com/ranking-cast-bachelorette-12/

 

The things I need to say about James Taylor will work best in a numbered list.

1. I have no idea how the producers scored such a celebrity to try and win JoJo’s heart, but they really outdid themselves with this one.

2. James Taylor is looking GREAT for being 68 years old.

3. On the off chance that this is not the real James Taylor of “Fire and Rain” fame, this James Taylor is ALSO a singer-songwriter.

4. What came first… A guy wanting to be a singer-songwriter and changed his name to James Taylor… or a guy was born with the name James Taylor, and had no choice but to become a singer-songwriter? I am dying to find out. That literally better be the first question that JoJo asks James Taylor.

5. Are we all going to call him James Taylor all season, or will we eventually abbreviate it to James T, or possibly just James?

6. Scratch that. There is NO WAY we will call him just James, because no season of The Bachelor/ette is complete with at least three contestants with the same name. I am semi-obsessed with the fact that once there is only 1 contestant remaining (of the 3 that had the same name) we still call them by their first name and last initial. Ex. I am pretty sure Lauren B was the only Lauren left for like a month, and we all (INCLUDING BEN) called her Lauren B. My memory is a bit hazy, but he may have even said…… “Lauren B…. will you marry me.” I now need to go back and check because if he said that, that may be my favorite line ever on television.

7. While it is literally the stupidest question in the entire world to ask a bunch of guys, when the producers asked James Taylor what his favorite flower was, he said….. “Red Rose….. Duh.” Granted many men gave that same pathetic, awful, cheesy answer, but for some reason, it just really bothered me with James Taylor. I just never would have expected that from James Taylor. Just when you think you know someone 🙁

8. I know I may be beating a dead horse, but I just thought of something… will the priest at the wedding say “Ben H, will you take Lauren B to be your lawfully wedded wife, etc. Or will he just use Ben and Lauren?”

 

13. Grant

I will not be making fun of Grant. So here is a picture of him. (photo credit: abc.com)

I will not be making fun of Grant. So here is a picture of him. (photo credit: abc.com)

 

To be perfectly honest, I may have ranked Grant a little bit lower, but I am scared that he will find me and beat me up if he is not pleased with my ranking of him.

Good Lord, this dude looks scary. While I am sure he is a wonderful guy, this picture does not do him any favors. He looks like he is about to rip the camera out of the photographers hands and throw it out the window.

With that being said…. I can absolutely see JoJo falling for this guy. While he is about as opposite of Ben Higgins as one could get, that may be exactly what JoJo is looking for. I think he will be a contender. If he doesn’t get kicked out of the house for bashing someone’s face in, of course.

But, if you’re reading this Grant, good luck buddy…. I’m rooting for ya!

 

12. Peter

Resident thug, and Staffing Agency Manager, Peter (photo credit: abc.com)

Resident thug, and Staffing Agency Manager, Peter (photo credit: abc.com)

 

You know the old saying, “Never judge a book by its cover?” Well, who would have ever expected baby face Peter is a self-described thug?

Well, another deep question the producers asked the men in their bios was ….

What’s the most embarrassing style you’ve rocked?

Peter’s response…. “Sk8er boi. I also went through a pretty ‘thuggish’ stage.”

Two thoughts…..

  1. Unless your name is Avril Lavigne, please NEVER, EVER spell “Sk8er boi” again.** Fun fact, I had NO idea how to spell Lavigne, so I googled it. And it turns out that a man named Avril Lavigne was arrested today for failing to register as a sex offender. SOOOOOOOO, I will clarify…. Unless your name is Avril Lavigne and you are a pop star with hits such as, but not limited to, “Complicated”, “The Best Damn Thing”, “My Happy Ending”, “Girlfriend”, “Keep Holding On”, “I’m With You”, “What the Hell”, and “Here’s to Never Growing Up”, then please never use the term “Sk8er Boi” ever again.http://katu.com/news/local/man-named-avril-lavigne-arrested-after-failing-to-register-as-sex-offender
  2. If I had to draw a picture of the least thuggish person I could imagine, I would draw Peter.
  3. Damn, I really like a lot of Avril Lavigne songs. Who knew?

Will JoJo like him? Highly doubt it. After baby face Ben H, she is ready for a real man’s man.

11. Will

John Mayer's biggest fan... Will (photo credit: abc.com)

John Mayer’s biggest fan… Will (photo credit: abc.com)

 

When I first met Will 8 minutes ago on abc.com I instantly liked him. His picture looked fine enough. Seems like a totally normal guy. One of his favorite movies is Dumb & Dumber, and a widely known fact about me is that Dumb & Dumber is my second favorite movie of all time.

His go-to dance move is “Bernie-ing” when he pretends he is the dead guy (Bernie) in weekend at Bernie’s, and I think that is hysterical, and will from this point forward include it in my repertoire.

He is able to make fun of himself, he doesn’t like to talk about heavy subjects too soon….. this guy was PERFECT. Until the Final question…..

Producers: If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why?

Will: Probably John Mayer because I kjshfkjahgfkjhfnkasdjbfkasdjhf ksdhfgs dhjfgcbdkshfb adskfhbasdkhfabdshfb a,sdmnfb asdhfasd

(Edited to say….. he did have some reason for choosing John Mayer I suppose, but I am pretty sure I blacked out once I saw John Mayer’s name, and vomited all over my computer.)

I hope JoJo breaks Will’s heart, and I hope it is ONLY because if he could go to dinner with anyone in the world it would be John Mayer.

….. and yes, I know what you’re thinking…. my choice would be lead singer of The Killers, Brandon Flowers. And if anyone has a problem with that, you are the worst. But, if you could please click a link as you’re exiting my page out that would be great. I get like 2 cents or something everytime someone clicks on an ad. Thanks!!!!!!

 

10. Robby

Earth to Robby....... are you there? (photo credit: abc.com)

Earth to Robby……. are you there? (photo credit: abc.com)

 

Maybe I am reading a bit too much into this, but does anyone else think that Robby looks like he is in a trance? Does this guy have any idea where he is, or what he is about to get himself into?

I actually can’t stop staring at his eyes and thinking that he is hypnotized. Anyway….

Robby will be the handsome dumb guy in the bunch. JoJo will keep him around to look at his swimmer’s body, but ultimately not be able to hold a conversation with him, and give him the boot.

I can not wait to actually hear him talk and see if he still has this blank stare on his face, or if this is just a really trippy picture of him.

Either way… he seems WAY too sincere and innocent to be able to hang around the Bachelor mansion for long. JoJo will dump him because “he is nice to look at, but the connection is just not there” around episode 4. And then Robby will wake up and not remember a thing.

 

9. Alex

Alex, nailing the photo shoot on the first try. (photo credit: abc.com)

Alex, nailing the photo shoot on the first try. (photo credit: abc.com)

 

Alex is a U.S. Marine, and, judging from the 7 ridiculous questions that ABC asked the guys, seems to be pretty cool. However, just about all the guys in the house are over 6 foot tall, Alex will stand out for being 6+ inches shorter than the rest of the guys. Sounds silly, but when JoJo has 26 guys there on night 1, and can’t remember any of their names, she may remember that the short guy was really sweet, or the short guy was a real jerk. The ball is in Alex’s court to make a good first impression.

 

8. Christian

Christian could not be any happier that he is being photographed. (photo credit: abc.com)

Christian could not be any happier that he is being photographed. (photo credit: abc.com)

 

If the game was “Who Does Ryan Want to Get a Beer With”, look no further, we have our winner. Christian looks like the happiest guy ever. Many of the dudes are smiling hard in their pics, but Christian’s seems like a genuine smile.

There is not one ridiculous answer in his bio, and his Momma is his best friend. Christian, if things don’t work out with you and JoJo, and you’re reading this… can you come and be my barback this summer? We really need a barback at the beach, and I am confident you would be a beaming light of sunshine, and brighten all of our days.

Anyway, I digress. No offense to JoJo, but I think Christian may actually be a bit too good for her, and I think even JoJo will realize that sooner than later.

My prediction: Christian for the next Bachelor!

Click here for part 4.

Posted on by

Ranking the Men of The Bachelorette 12 (Part 2)

For a list of guys 26-21 click here.
20. Coley

(photo credit: abc.com)

(photo credit: abc.com)

 

Coley seems like the most average guy in the bunch. He is wearing a normal clothes, has average facial hair, is photogenic, but not distractingly handsome, and most importantly, is not wearing a rolled up bandana-tie around his neck. All of this is fantastic for Coley. In the real world.

However, on The Bachelorette, Coley will not stand out enough to gain JoJo’s attention, and as a result, will be an early casualty.

On a side note: I do not think I have ever seen anyone smile that hard in my life. Good for him.

 

19. Jake

This image was snapped immediately after Jake told a joke, and realized that nobody was going to laugh at it. (photo credit: abc.com)

This image was snapped immediately after Jake told a joke, and realized that nobody was going to laugh at it. (photo credit: abc.com)

 

There are 2 reasons why Jake will never win The Bachelorette. Well, 3 reasons, but I will leave the third reason up to your imagination.

  1. When asked what his favorite movies were, his response was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. That is like saying Scream 9 is my favorite horror movie of all time. Except worse.
  2. When asked where he sees himself in 5 years, his response was “married to the Bachelorette and with their first child.” Not JoJo, “the bachelorette. Whoever that may be, he doesn’t care. All he knows is that he wants to be married to her in 5 years, and have her child. That is like saying, “I’m going to the mall tonight and all I know is that in 5 years, I want to be married and have a baby with whoever is at the checkout counter at H&M.”

 

18. Ali

Prince Ali-Ababba (photo credit: abc.com)

Prince Ali-Ababba (photo credit: abc.com)

 

I am pretty sure that the producers created Ali in some sort of computer animation lab that turns cartoon characters into real life humans, as Ali is some sort of odd hybrid between Disney’s Aladdin and Sesame Street’s The Count.

(photo credit: ohmy.disney.com)

(photo credit:
ohmy.disney.com)

 

(photo credit: muppet.wikia.com)

(photo credit: muppet.wikia.com)

All that aside, Ali seems like a genuinely nice guy that any girl would be lucky to have. However, he seems like the farthest thing from JoJo’s type as humanly possible. Hopefully being a nice guy will at least allow him to stick around for a few weeks, and have a nice vacation hanging out with some new bros.

17. James F

Is it just me, or does James F's shirt look like 4 sizes too big for him? He is like swimming in a sea of red plaid. (photo credit: abc.com)

Is it just me, or does James F’s shirt look like 4 sizes too big for him? He is swimming in a sea of red plaid. (photo credit: abc.com)

 

The most interesting bio bit on James F’s contestant page is the fact that he has three tattoos. ALL OF WHICH HE WANTS TO GET COVERED UP. So….. this guy either makes completely irrational, spur of the moment decisions, or he has no idea what he wants to do with his body or his life. I get regretting one tattoo and wanting it covered up. Maybe two. Or possibly even three if you have your entire body covered in ink. But, having ONLY 3 tattoos and regretting them ALL, is just a red flag for me.

James F is also a boxing club owner, so I am expecting him to not back down from a fight. I am predicting some sort of altercation with James F and another Bachelor this summer when he returns for Bachelor Pad or whatever the hell they call that show now.

16. James S

Bachelor Superfan, James S (photo credit: abc.com)

Bachelor Superfan, James S (photo credit: abc.com)

 

The main reason I enjoy The Bachelor/ette is because I am addicted to elimination shows and I draft teams with friends and compete for cash. (No, I don’t IRS, I am just kidding.) I do not discriminate when it comes to drafting my Reality TV teams, and do not limit myself to shows that “men” should be watching. Sure, I draft teams for “manly shows” like Ink Master, The Ultimate Fighter, and Top Shot, but I also draft teams, and watch shows that are a bit more embarrassing, such as Project Runway, Face Off, and Dancing With the Stars. 

With that being said, James S identifies himself as a Bachelor SUPERFAN. Not only is that a bit strange, but it leads me to believe that he is not on the show to find love, but to experience what it is like to be on The Bachelorette.

Once JoJo catches wind that James S is a SUPERFAN, she will laugh in his face, and show him the door. I predict that James S will cry harder than any contestant in the history of The Bachelorette when he gets eliminated on night one.

Finally, I typically do not like to talk negatively about people’s appearances, but I am pretty sure his face is made of plastic.

 

15. Vinny

Who is this guys barber? (photo credit: abc.com)

Who is this guys barber? (photo credit: abc.com)

 

I know, I know, I know, I JUST got done saying that I don’t like to make fun of people’s appearances, but the VERY FIRST thing I said when I saw Vinny was “yikes, look at his hair.” And then the first thing I read about him was that he is A BARBER!

I am not kidding you people. I can’t make this shit up.

To be honest, I stopped there with Vinny’s bio, because I was in such shock. Feel free to read his bio and learn about him yourselves.

For part 3 click here.