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Ranking the Characters of “It’s A Wonderful Life” (Part 2)

For part one of “Ranking the Characters of It’s A Wonderful Life click here.

8. Pa Bailey

Pa Bailey calming telling Young George to get the hell out of his office. (aveleyman.com)

 

Unfortunately for George, Pa Bailey had to go and have a massive stroke and not only ruin George’s plans for his epic trip, but also ruined his game with Mary, just as he was about to get some action. And unfortunately for us, we only got to know Pa briefly.

But what we do know of the Bailey patriarch is that he was a stand up guy that used his business of the Building and Loan to help his neighbors and the Bedford Falls community.

Pa Bailey is a man’s man that doesn’t command respect, but gets it anyways. The way his sons, George and Harry stand up for him, respect him, and honor his memory makes Pa the most underrated character in the movie.

George’s epic monologue in which he tears into Mr. Potter and stands up for his deceased father, is one of my favorite monologues in cinematic history. Absolutely brilliant.

Bottom line: While it would be difficult for Pa Bailey and I to maintain a friendship due to our lack of common interests, I would be more than happy to use his business for all my loaning needs. And I would be sure to make prompt payments to the best of my ability.

 

7. ZuZu

ZuZu, the rebel with the open coat.

 

First off, ZuZu is a bad ass. ZuZu was so nervous that she was going to crush her flower that she won at school that she decided to not button up her jacket on her way home. Plus, there is the whole issue of the timing it would have taken her to button up her coat. Ain’t nobody got time for buttoning up coats when they are itching to get home and stare at their flower. So I get it, ZuZu.

Now, I get that ZuZu is only like six, but is she really that naive to think that George was going to be able to paste the pedals back on the flower? Come on, ZuZu, you’re better than that.

You got to hand it to ZuZu though. She went from feeling like a million bucks and winning prizes at school, to being so sick that a Dr. had to come pay her a visit, and back to feeling like a million bucks again, all in the matter of a few hours. Plus, even so late at night when she should have been in bed, she had the wherewithal to take her school learnings and make real life connections when she heard the bell ring and proclaimed that her teaching said that “every time a bell rings and angel gets its wings.”

Luckily for ZuZu, she does not have much in the way of competition as far as being the favorite child is concerned. Little Tommy and Pete couldn’t be any more annoying, and Janie is a crybaby that won’t stop butchering “Hark! The Heralds Angels Sing” on the piano.

Bottom line: I despise coats and only wear them when it is extremely necessary. So, ZuZu and I could really have hit it off. However, due to my supernatural ability to kill a basil plant in just days, ZuZu would want nothing to do with my friendship. There is no way in hell I would follow her on Instagram because I would imagine it would be littered with boring flower shots. But, ZuZu’s Twitter would be hopping because she would be shooting off facts left and right about what she learned in school. We could all learn a lot from ZuZu’s twitter account.

6. Adult George Bailey

George Bailey in full on meltdown mode. (salon.com)

 

First off, if I had a nickel for every time I said the following sentence by George Bailey, I would have enough money to take care of George Bailey’s $8000 mistake myself…..

While I whole-heartedly love the guy, a friendship with adult George Bailey would be exhausting. You would have to deal with his anger issues, depression, mood swings, self loathing and nonstop complaints about his children and how much he hates Bedford Falls.

With that being said, I think it is pretty safe to say that a friendship with George post-suicide attempt would be amazing. He is a changed man that has learned a valuable lesson, and will have an entirely new outlook at life. As long as he doesn’t hold over his family and friend’s heads how awful (or dead) they would be if it wasn’t for him, he is going to come out of this a much better man, and a hell of a lot more fun to be around.

Bottom line: I would want to have drinks at Martini’s with George when he is in a good mood. I would steer clear of him when he is having a bad day. And I would avoid any and all social media accounts of George’s. Can you imagine his complaining and rants that he would go on? No thanks, buddy. But I still love you.

5. Mr. Potter

Mr Potter is NOT happy. (thinglink.com)

 

Mr. Potter is pretty much the worst person imaginable. He has absolutely no empathy for others, he uses his power and fortune to further himself at the expense of his community, and he is an all around miserable prick with zero redeeming qualities.

Mr. Potter flashing his best attempt at a smile. (aveleyman.com)

But…….. HOLY HELL, did you see what Pottersville would have looked like if George was never born? It looked AMAZING! Bar after bar, pool rooms, clubs, dancing, live music, and burlesque clubs. Mr. Potter sure knows how to liven a town up.

https://youtu.be/zCFePlm0Gkw

Bottom line: It’s been established that Mr. Potter is a complete jerk, and like George says, is a “warped, frustrated old man.” But his hatred for the human race is actual quite comical, and it would be entertaining as hell to work with him. Unlike George, I would not be above working for Mr. Potter. Especially if it meant that I would get a hefty salary, and free business trips to Europe every once in a while.

4. Mary

Mary and Mary, being quite contrary. (photo credit: popgoesthelibrarian.wordpress.com)

 

Mary is grade A marriage material. She is a supportive wife, a loving mother, and was actually quite fun back in the day. Mary and George fell into the pool at the school dance but, like most other girls would, she didn’t have a meltdown and cry about her hair and makeup being ruined, she went with the flow and kept on dancing.

When George was in a bind because of the rush at the bank, she didn’t whine and complain about missing her honeymoon, she whipped out the cash and helped her husband appease his customers.

When George was out and about getting drunk at Martini’s and contemplating suicide, it was Mary that called all the townspeople and saved the day.

So…. why isn’t Mary ranked higher than #4? Well, did you see “If George was never born, Mary?”

Good Lord, she was awful. I understand that it would be very creepy for a stranger to come up to you and call you their wife, but the screaming and fainting was all a bit too much if you ask me. Knowing that Mary is only as awesome as she is because of George is a bit of a disappointment.

With that being said, even though he may be a pain in the ass at times, Mary needs to thank her lucky stars Ma and Pa Bailey had little George Bailey.

Bottom Line: If Mary was single, I would snatch her up quicker than you can say “Buffalo gals won’t you come out tonight, won’t you come out tonight, won’t you come out tonight. Buffalo gals won’t you come out tonight annnnnnnnnnnndddddddddd dance by the light of the mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon.”

3. Bert and Ernie

Bert and Ernie chillin’ in Bedford Falls. (commons.wikimedia.org)

 

I don’t know about you, but if you could have two friends in Bedford Falls, having the only taxi driver, and one of the only cops as your BFFs is the way to go.

Not only are Bert and Ernie funny guys, but they will do anything for their buddy George. The fact that they helped Mary turn 320 Sycamore into their honeymoon suite was about the nicest thing two buddies could do for a guy that got caught in a bank run on his way to his honeymoon.

Bottom Line: I would be best friends with Ernie because he is the funniest and would be able to drive me back and forth to Martini’s every day. But Bert and I would hit it off just fine as well. I would be Facebook friends with both, and would follow Ernie on Twitter, as I am sure he would have some fantastic zingers.

2. Clarence

Clarence talking to the big man upstairs. (quotesgram.com)

 

I agree with George that Clarence “looks like about the kind of guardian angel I would get.” Despite the fact that my reputation may take a hit with being seen walking around town with Clarence, he would be an amazing friend to have.

Anyone that has the ability to do what Clarence did is someone that you want on your side. Plus, he was just about ready to start throwing back some hot mulled wine at Martini’s when he and George got kicked out. This leads me to believe that I could get Clarence to loosen up a little and hang with the big boys on a night out on the town. How awesome would it be to get drunk with your guardian angel? My guardian angel has been watching me do it for almost two decades. It would be so special to be able to return the favor.

The only downside to Clarence? I would feel awfully judged while hanging out with him. We would be out at a bar watching the Redskins game, and I would make some sort of throwaway comment like… ” if the Redskins lose this game in the final seconds after winning the entire game, I am going to kill myself.” Clarence would get all pissed and start telling me all deep shit like, “Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives, and when he isn’t around, it leaves an awful hole, doesn’t it?” And I would be like, “Clarence, I just want The Redskins to win the Superbowl like really bad. Chill out. Ok buddy?”

Bottom line: Clarence and I would be best buddies, but we would bicker like an old married couple.

1. Young George Bailey

I wish I was best friends with Young George Bailey. Hot Dog!

 

Little George Bailey is so cool that he had to be separated from the older version of himself. Still confident, charming, and charismatic, he has not yet been tarnished by the world around him. He was also quite observant as he remarkably saved druggist Mr. Gower from a life in the slammer by stopping him from accidentally poisoning a kid to death.

Little George was born older (as Pa Bailey put it) and at a young age he had big dreams, and ambitions. He wanted to get the hell out of dodge and see the world.

All the girls wanted a piece of little George, as evidence by the fact that at just nine years old both Violet and Mary were already fighting over him. Yet George did not let the attention of the ladies, nor title of being a hero get to his head. He thought Violet was a insane for her asking him to help her down from her seat, and he thought Mary was brainless for not liking coconut, to which I couldn’t agree more. He told it like it is. Good or bad.

Just watch this 4 second video below for a reminder of how amazing young George is.

… And this is 25 seconds of young George Bailey that summarizes me as a bartender.

In addition to being a complete stud, young George was not afraid of anyone. He stood up to Mr. Potter when the mean old man was talking about his Pa. Nobody talks about Pa Bailey and gets away with it if George Bailey is around.

Young George is also loyal, as he promised Mr Gower that he would never tell a soul that Mr Gower put poison in the pills. Despite the fact that Mr Gower smacked him upside the head and made his sore eat bleed.

And finally, and most importantly, young Harry would have died in the river that day had George not been so heroic. Without skipping a beat young stud muffin George Bailey hopped into the water to save his brothers and took on the leadership position in the rescue.

….. and just remember, for all those naysayers out there that may say, “but if George was never born, wouldn’t have Harry’s friends saved him from the river that day when he fell in the ice?” That question, quite simply, can be answered by watching the TWO SECOND clip below. (Focus on the kid running to help and you tell me if you want him saving you from anything.)


May “It’s A Wonderful Life” always remind us that no matter how bleak and awful our lives may seem at the moment, that things could always be worse, and we should be grateful for the loved

ones we have, even if they are terrible at playing the piano or lose $8000 of your money. And even if your house is cold and drafty and your staircase is broken, remember that there are people that don’t have drafty houses and broken staircases.

And even if your brother is cooler than you, you’re about to lose your business, your about to go to jail for a long time, your children’s teacher’s husband punches you in the face in front of all your friends, and you crash your car into the oldest tree in your town…… remember this…. no man is a failure that has friends.

Happy Holidays!

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It’s A Wonderful Movie: Ranking the Characters of “It’s A Wonderful Life”

Watching Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life has been a holiday tradition for millions of households for decades. Despite only a small portion of the film taking place at Christmas time, it is considered by many to be the greatest Christmas movie of all time. Personally, not only is it my favorite Christmas movie of all time, but my favorite movie of all time. Period. Additionally, Jimmy Stewart is my favorite actor, Clarence is my favorite movie angel, and the final scene is my favorite scene in cinematic history.

Due to the fact that I’m usually hyperventilating for the last ten minutes of the film, each time I watch it I learn something new about the characters that make the movie so classic. I am not saying that I was not crying hysterically during my last re-watch, because I was, but I did manage to maintain my focus on the individual characters and determine what it is about them that make them so damn lovable.

The cast of “It’s A Wonderful Life” (Photo credit: classicfilmaficionados)

 

Ranking the Cast of “It’s A Wonderful Life”

Before I begin the countdown of the characters, I would be remiss if I did not mention some notable omissions. The countdown is based on who I would want to be friends with the most. It is safe to say that I would not accept the Facebook friend requests from the following people.

Ma Bailey

(Ma Bailey if George was never born.)

 

Now hear me out, while Ma Bailey was super sweet for most of the movie, when I think back on her, the thing that stands out the most is how unbelievably awful she was at the end of the movie when George went to see her when he was still in his “Clarence trance.”

Just to know that Ma Bailey has that cruel side to her, however deep down it may be, makes me think poorly of her, and thus excludes her from the countdown.

Plus, Ma Bailey went and did the most “Ma” thing of all time and called Mary’s house to tell her that George was going to stop by. That is pretty messed up, Ma Bailey.

Mary’s Mom

Mary’s mom being all pissed off at Mary and George.

 

The absolute worst character in the movie. ZERO redeeming qualities. She would hate me, and I would hate her.

ZuZu’s Teacher

It was nice that she gave ZuZu a flower and all, but George is right, what kind of teacher would let her students walk home in the cold with their coats unbuttoned? That is pretty messed up, Mrs. Welch. Also, your husband needs to take a chill pill. Talk about anger issues.

 

To the countdown….

15. Sam Wainwright

(Hee Haw Sam)

 

While Sam Wainwright is far and away the most annoying character in the film, he makes up for his non-stop “Hee-Haw” and cockiness at the end by wiring George Bailey $25,000, which itself more than triples the $8,000 George needed. It does, however, go to show that Sam is such a show-boater that he needs to send that much money. Just so everyone knows how successful he is.

Bottom line: I would accept Sam Wainwright’s Facebook friend request, but I would block his annoying photos of him “Hee-Haw-ing” his friends, and his posts about his vacations and new cars, and only send him a private message should I ever find myself in a pickle.

 

14. Uncle Billy

(thefilmspectrum.com)

 

Sure Uncle Billy would be a blast to hang out with at the bar, but his uncanny ability to be so forgetful is unbelievably annoying. Uncle Billy is the main reason why everything started to unravel so quickly for George. He got distracted while making an $8,000 deposit and accidentally handed the money to his nemesis, Mr. Potter.

$8,000 back then is probably close to $100,000 today, and anyone that can be THAT irresponsible, is not anyone that I would need to be friends with. I don’t need any extra help with being an irresponsible adult, especially not from 60 year old Uncle Billy.

Bottom line: I would do a few shots with Uncle Billy when I saw him out at a bar, or at family functions, but steer clear of him otherwise. And I certainly would not trust him with running errands for me.

13. Martini

(npr.org)

 

Martini owns what is seemingly the only bar in town, Martini’s, so clearly he is someone that you would want to be in cahoots with. Right before George decided to attempt suicide, old man Martini even goes as far as to say that George is his best friend, and kicks Mr. Welch, (ZuZu’s teacher’s husband) out for hitting George. No questions asked.

Friends don’t care why someone punches you in the face. Even if you yell at their wives and threaten them over the phone, you’re still in the right. Martini is a good friend through and through.

Bottom line: Not only would I be Facebook friends with Martini, but I would be one of his most loyal customers and without question be invited to his customer appreciation Christmas party at Martinis.

 

12. Annie

(photo credit: 1stslice.com)

 

Annie, the long time maid of the Bailey family, is funny, sarcastic, and completely lovable. And her reason why she has money to spare and help out George is by far the best. “I’ve been savin’ this money for a divorce, if I ever got a husband” exclaims Annie as she throws down some cash onto the table. Classic, Annie.

Annie, however, does not understand why people drink as she told Pa Bailey and George, “Boys and girls and music. Why do they need gin?” Major strike. Mind your business, Annie.

Bottom line: Not only would I enjoy being Facebook friends with Annie for her humorous posts, but I think she would be a great follow on Twitter. I bet she could live tweet the shit out of The Bachelor.

 

11. Violet

Violet has been boy-hungry her entire life. Little Mary calls out little Violet for “liking every boy,” to which Violet responds, “what’s wrong with that?” Fast forward about 15 years, and Violet is still prancing the streets looking for her next piece of meat.

While Violet would be a ton of fun to hang out with, she seems to be a bit of a user and would not bring much in the way of a friendship. Sure, she comes to the Bailey house at the end and gives George his money back, but let’s be real here: she very likely just came back to try and scoop up Congressional Medal of Honor recipient, Harry.

Bottom line: I would definitely follow Violet on Instagram, if for no other reason than to judge her, and feel better about myself for having my shit more together than she does.

10. Harry

Let’s face it, Harry Bailey is pretty damn near perfect. He got college educated, met a beautiful girl while there and married her. He got offered a solid job as a researcher, and then went on to save the lives of hundreds of soldiers and won the Congressional Medal of Honor. Plus, he can give one hell of a speech that could make even Old Man Potter tear up. All that and he has the looks of a movie star.

With all that being said, who the hell wants to be friends with someone so perfect? Anyone that is friends with him must have to constantly remind him how much better they are at sledding and swimming in ice water than he is, just to make themselves feel superior in at least two things.

Bottom line: We would be Facebook friends, but I would be overcome with jealousy over how perfect his life is every time he posted anything. Therefore, I would end up resenting him.

9. Mr. Gower

(photo credit: aveleyman.com)

Mr. Gower was awfully mean to young George Bailey one day. But, once you learn Mr. Gower was in such a bad mood because his son just died of influenza, you cut the guy some slack.

To show his gratitude to George for all his years of service, Mr. Gower buys George the biggest suitcase in town for the adventures that he never ends up taking. Mr. Gower may be grouchy sometimes, but he is quite funny when he is pissed (with the exception of the whole child abuse thing, of course.)

The following is footage of Mr Bower being pissed at young George. But it could also double as footage of me yelling at a student if they come into my classroom on a Monday morning whistling a happy tune.

Bottom line: I doubt Mr. Gower would participate in any sort of social media, but he could get me some good pain killers when I needed them, and therefore, I would visit his shop for an ice cream and small talk everyday like clockwork.

 

 

For Part 2 Click Here.

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Top 100 Songs Of 2016 (Part 4, #70-#61)

For the first three lists click below.

#100 – 91       #90-81     #80-71

 

70. “That’s All I Need” – The Dirty Heads

Released exactly at 4:20 pm on 4/20 for obvious reasons, “That’s All I Need” is the first single off The Dirty Heads 2016 self titled album. The reggae band from Huntington Beach, CA are known for their laid back, go-with-the-flow style and “That’s All I Need” is one of their best singles yet. It is fun, (once you realize you are not being pulled over by the cops and the sirens are a part of the song) and begs to be blasted when having a summer party.

Best places to listen to this song on full blast:

  • Sunbathing by the pool
  • Summertime Road Trips
  • Parties or large gatherings

Places you do not want to listen to this song.

  • Work

69. “Blame” – Bastille

In perhaps their darkest, most violent song to date, Bastille’s “Blame” is a “gangster-style story inspired by The Godfather” says frontman, Dan Smith. Right from the get-go the lyrics take the listener to a dark place and hold you prisoner for the duration.

“You go sleep with the fishes
There’s no room for you here
There’s no room for you here
Wrap your teeth around the pavement
‘Cause your body’s a message
Send my regards to hell”

Smith also goes on to say that the song “…is like a super simple snapshot of two gang members, one of whom is pissing the other one off, and it’s like that moment before pulling the trigger, and it’s the snapshot of that, and it was using imagery from like The Godfather and from American History X to just create this brooding, mean snapshot into these two people’s really extreme emotions in this little fictional narrative.”

“Blame” is angry, dark and dramatic and the perfect song to sing along with to ease whatever tension may be dragging you down.

 

 

68. “Take It All Back” – Judah & the Lion

https://youtu.be/UgfiXAXlrmk

“Take It All Back,” the upbeat, catchy track from Judah and the Lion’s latest album, Folk Hop N’ Roll is a passionate confession that he would take everything back just to be with his love. Not only does it include the best use of a banjo in alt rock this year, but it is arguably one of the most fun chorus’ to sing along with.

 

 

67. “Overnight” – The Wild Feathers

Nashville natives, The Wild Feathers, sophomore album, Lonely Is A Lifetime, was released in 2016 and their first single, “Overnight,” is about wanting instant gratification and success, but not being willing to put in the time and effort needed.

“Overnight” is confirmation for fans of The Wild Feathers that they are willing to, and more than capable of, putting in enough effort to continue to take their music to the next level.

 

66. “Rita Mae Young” – The Record Company

One of the reasons I did not pay much attention to “Rita Mae Young” when I heard it on The Spectrum the first few times is because I assumed that it was a song from the 70’s that I wasn’t familiar with. I instantly liked it, but it wasn’t on my radar to make the end of the year countdown.

It wasn’t until the third or fourth time that I heard it that I decided to get more information on this bluesy, classic rock sounding track that I was certain was The Rolling Stones era band. And much to my surprise, I found out that the song was a new release by American rock band, The Record Company.

In “Rita Mae Young” The Record Company is able to perfect a style of music that for the past 40 years, many have tried, but few have succeeded.

 

65. “It Don’t Hurt Like It Used To” – Billy Currington

The first country-rock song to make the countdown is Billy Currington’s “It Don’t Hurt Like It Used To.” Simply put, it is about getting over a break-up that was devastating at first, but as time goes by, the pain gets more bearable.

Thankfully time heals all wounds, because if it didn’t, we would never have this killer track by Billy Currington.

 

64. “Red Flag” – The Moth & The Flame

“Red Flag” is yet another nauseatingly beautiful love song that will make single people realize exactly how single they are.

“There’s a warning in the comfort
That you’re too good to be true
They tell me over and over
There’s someone better for you
You’re the warmth I feel beside me
And the fear of growing cold
The continual reminder
Of the risk we take when we get involved…”

If those lyrics aren’t beautiful enough to make you vomit, then maybe these will do the trick.

“At the pace that we’ve been running
When our lungs begin to sting
I’m hearing over and over
“Moderation in all things”
So you’ll hopefully forgive me
If I cannot slow this down
When my body bends to weakness
Your voice will be the sound

That conceals the pain”

We get it, The Moth & The Flame, you’re head over heals in love. Thanks for rubbing it in.

 

63. “Human” – Rag’n’Bone Man

There are not many songs that have as much of an instant impact as “Human” does. Upon the first hearing, I was yearning to hear it again. It’s the first hit single from Rag’N’Bone Man, a British singer-songwriter that blends blues, soul, hip-hop and rock into one to create some of the most unique music on the radio today.

If Rag’N’Bone Man can muster up enough passion and enthusiasm as he does for “Human” on his future work, expect him to become a household name in the coming years.

 

62. “Ophelia” – The Lumineers

The Lumineers have mastered the art of creating catchy, sing-along folk rock. “Ophelia,” arguably one of the most well-known rock songs of 2016, was a hit with people of all ages, and musical preferences. Frontman Wesley Schultz told Entertainment Weekly back in February, that the song was a “a vague reference to people falling in love with fame. That spotlight can seem like an endless buffet, but in reality, you’re just shiny, bright, and new to people for a quick moment — and then you have the rest of you life to live.”

“Ophelia” as well as the band’s second single off their sophomore album Cleopatra, the title track “Cleopatra,” solidified The Lumineers as one of the biggest bands in the folk-rock genre, and shows they are well on their way to giving the grandaddies of modern folk rock, Mumford & Sons, a solid run for their money.

 

61. “Cop Vs. Phone Girl” – Third Eye Blind

Third Eye Blind has never been shy to hide the fact that they are as democratic as Democrats can get. Their disdain for the Republican party seems to be rapidly intensifying with every passing year. And while many people are uncomfortable with artists shoving politics down our throats, Third Eye Blind does it is such a way that you can not help but respect.

Touching on social issues such as “Black Lives Matter,” police brutality, and racism, “Cop Vs. Phone Girl” is not only a song, but a summary of America in 2016 and what we have become as a nation. There is no other band around today that has the balls to do what Stephan Jenkins and Third Eye Blind does, and no band that can do it better than they can.

 

For 60-51 click here.