The Crown

I deem myself to be a pretty intelligent guy. I have multiple certifications in the field of Education, have a Master’s Degree in New Media Journalism, passed the first step in the program to becoming a Master Sommelier with the Court of Sommeliers, and have an exorbitant amount of useless knowledge that I have acquire from countless hours spent at Mega Touch trivia machines throughout the country. Additionally, I am considerably well-traveled, and have even visit London, itself, twice.

However, nothing has taught me more about the history of the Royal family, and the United Kingdom in general, than the first season of The Crown, the Netflix original series that was released last month.

While some people may not consider the following facts of the upmost importance when quantifying how much one knows about the monarchy, I, for one, am ashamed that I have been so naive for so many years. My most sincere apologies to all of my past history teachers, my parents, and any British friends I have met along the way. I only hope I can keep up with all the ins and outs of the Royal family, from here on out.

9 Things The Crown Taught Me, Ranked In Order From Least To Most Important.

 

9. Smoking and Drinking Was the Norm At All Times

Sure, I have always known that as the years go on, society judges smokers and day drinkers more and more. In America in 2016 you can’t smoke in restaurants or bars, you can’t smoke in public buildings, you can’t drink and drive, you can’t drink at work, blah, blah, blah.

But people were so chill about smoking and drinking back in the day in England. Hell, King George VI even lit up a cigarette in front of his doctor after he told him he was dying of lung cancer, and the doctor didn’t say a peep. The Queen’s grandmother, the queen queen queen, or whatever the hell you call her; she was lighting up right in her death bed, and nobody was freaking out about it.

Winston Churchill drank and smoke cigars all damn day. Nobody cared. Prince Philip and his buddies drove all over the place drinking and driving recklessly. Did he ever get yelled at by his mother? Nope.

 

Granted, drinking and driving is very dangerous, and not cool. And smoking cigarettes when you are already ill is quite silly, but there is something about not being so uptight that makes the 1950’s in London seem pretty desirable if you ask me.

 

8. The Queen Was Kind Of Hot Back In The Day

Now this one isn’t really my fault for not knowing. I am only in my thirties and since I have been alive the Queen has always seemed like she has been 110 years old to me. And Google Images wasn’t around when I was growing up, so it wasn’t until I saw the beautiful Claire Foy portray young Queen Elizabeth II that I ever even thought to check out what The Queen looked like in her more youthful years. I’ll save you the work, here is what I found…

 

 

Oops, sorry, I meant to attach this pic……

 

 

I mean sure, she is no Kate Middleton or Princess Diana, but she is a hell of a lot better than the first Queen Elizabeth….

 

 

7. Winston Churchill Was Basically Old Man Potter From “It’s A Wonderful Life”

Seriously, are they the same person?

 

 

 

6. London Had The Smoggiest Day Of All Time

Did you know that there was a smog in London in 1952 that was so bad that it killed thousands of people, including, but not limited to, Winston Churchill’s favorite hot secretary that used to read his newspapers while he took a bath? Because I sure as hell didn’t.

* It has come to my attention, thanks to Radio Times that Churchill’s hot secretary was fictional. Apparently nobody would have cared that thousands of ugly people were hacking up their lungs and choking to death, so they had to make sure the audience got hit hard (pun intended) by having (SPOILER ALERT) a sweet, hot secretary get hit by a bus due to the historical inclement conditions.

 

5. The Queen and Prince Philip Pretty Much Hate Each Other/ Prince Philip Is Still Alive?!?!?

Of course, just about all married people hate each other, but it seems as though The Queen and Prince Philip got off to a pretty rocky start, and were no Romeo and Juliet.

In the series, they spend most of the first season (about 8 years of their lives) arguing with each other, and spend very little time together.

Additionally, I was shocked to find out that Prince Philip was still alive, and they are STILL MARRIED. I can’t imagine how much more they are going to hate each other as the seasons go by, but I have to admit I am quite impressed that they have stuck it out for pretty much their entire lives.

 

 

 

4. The Queen and Prince Philip Have the Best Bedroom Arrangement Of All Time

Not only do they have their own King and Queen sized beds, but they also have people that help them get undressed as soon as they enter their room. They literally have hired help that assist them in taking off their day clothes and help them slip into their evening attire. Sure there are a lot of perks associated with being king and queen, but this has got to rank among the best.

 

 

 

3. Phone Calls To The Queen Are A Gigantic Pain In The Ass

 

2. I Want To Be Best Friends With Prince Philip

Prince Philip was one heck of a fun guy (at least when he wasn’t around The Queen.) He would often frequent what they called a “Gentleman’s Lunch Club” where a bunch of guys gathered and drank and ate during the daytime.

Upon further research, Prince Philip attended a Thursday Club, where they would have “rip-roaring stag parties,” according to the Prince Philip biography. It has even been said that Prince Philip was once nicknamed “The Naked Waiter,” because he would waiter for English osteopath, Steven Ward‘s guests wearing nothing but a small laced apron and leather mask.

If everyone can please imagine Prince Philip wearing nothing but a laced apron, it would be greatly appreciated. Here is some help…

 

 

1. I REALLY Want To Be Best Friends With The Late Princess Margaret

Like most younger siblings, Princess Margaret really got blessed with the personality of the family, while the Queen got stuck with the personality of a dying house plant. The Crown does an amazing job portraying the vast difference in the sisters’ personalities; specifically highlighting the way the public appreciated and welcomed Princess Margaret’s outgoing, dynamic personality.

But, don’t take my word for it. Here are some of Princess Margaret’s best moments, and why, if I was royalty, I would be Princess Margaret.

 

 

 

Thanks for the education, Netflix, by the end of the series, five years from now, I plan to be a historian of all things England, Queen Elizabeth, and The Crown, and I couldn’t have done it without you.