Category Archives: Television

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All 14 American Idol Coronation Songs Ranked From Worst to Best

Over the past 14 years, American Idol finalist have been forced to sing a coronation song at the finale. These songs, written “just for them” are designed to pull on the heartstrings of the public,  and make the confetti falling scene as emotional as possible, all while trying to launch the winner to the top of the charts.

While some of the coronation songs flopped harder than Brian Dunkleman’s post-Idol hosting career, others went on to become bonafide hits, and made the sobbing American public get the “goosies” from head to toe.

Below are 14 years worth of winning coronation songs ranked from worst to best.

 

14. “Beautiful Day” – Lee Dewyze (Season 9)

The American Idol writing team decided to take a year off back in 2010, as they didn’t even bother penning original tracks for finalists Dewyze and runner-up Crystal Bowersox. After complaints from the public that previous coronations songs were too cheesy (particularly the ill-received Kara DioGuardi track “No Boundaries”) they decided something needed to change.

So, instead of putting forth the effort, they forced the finalists to sing cover songs, and have that be their first single should they win. Dewyze was tasked to cover a 10 year old track by one of the most popular bands in the history of music, U2. Dewyze gave some of the most memorable performances in the history of the show, but the only thing that separated his coronation song from the rest of his performances was the pomp and circumstance that was supported by a bigger budget, a bigger stage, and most importantly, lots of violinists. In a recent interview (skip to 14:35), Dewyze shares his disappointment at having to release a cover song as his first single.

 

13. “I Am Beautiful” – Candice Glover (Season 12)

Was season 12 even aired? While Candice Glover is undeniably a talented singer, “I Am Beautiful” is by far the most ridiculous coronation song in the history of Idol. I understand that the show may have wanted to highlight Glover’s story of gaining confidence, and becoming an independent woman, but having a song in which a woman is judging her self worth based solely on a man thinking she is beautiful, seems to be counter-productive. The only explanation is that the “He” Glover is referring to, is God, but if that is the case the message is unclear, and a bit confusing.

This may be the only coronation song that I have literally never heard again since the night I was barely paying attention to the awful season 12 finale.

https://youtu.be/1zl8xglqmh8

 

12. “This Is My Now” – Jordin Sparks (Season 6)

First of all, back in season 6, the producers were still giving both finalists the same song to sing as their potential first single. If you are up on your Idol history, you will remember that Jordin’s co-finalist was beat boxing wiz kid Blake Lewis. Can you please tell me how it would be humanly possibly for Lewis to beat box his way through this cheesy song and gain more votes than Sparks?

As for the song, it is a clear rip off of “A Moment Like This,” and obvious that the producers were trying to find the same success as they had with Kelly Clarkson’s coronation song. Needless to say, they failed miserably.

 

11. “I Love You This Big” – Scotty McCreery (Season 10)

I get it, Scotty McCreery was young when he won American Idol. But, did his coronation song have to be written from the perspective of a kindergarden student? I love you this big, is what a 5 year old would say to his mother when she is tucking him in at night. Coming from a 17 year old guy with a voice deeper than James Earl Jones, the song seemed silly and on the verge of being a joke. Did I buy the song on iTunes and sing along in my deepest voice? Yes. But then again, I love my momma this…….

<—————————————————————————————–> big, so I really had no other choice.

 

10. “Do I Make You Proud” – Taylor Hicks (Season 5)

On the complete opposite end of the Idol age spectrum is Taylor Hicks. His “Do I Make You Proud” would have been a much more fitting single from a teenage contestant, rather than a 29 year old that looks as if he is 49.

While the song itself is shockingly decent, it would be surprising if anyone outside of Hick’s support group, “The Soul Patrol” remember his coronation song. And after ten years, most of the “Sole Patrol” are probably either dead or in a nursing home and had to sell their Taylor Hicks CD in a yard sale before making the move to their new living quarters.

 

9. “Flying Without Wings” – Ruben Studdard (Season 2)

In one of the most depressing pieces of news I have heard in weeks, I found out today that “Flying Without Wings” was not a Ruben Studdard original. For years I have been referring to it as my favorite R&B song of all time (it actually is the only song on the list.)

Apparently Irish boy band, Westlife released the track in 1999, four years before Studdard stole America’s hearts and made preppy little white boys consider a career in R&B and moving to area code 205. Wherever the hell that is.

As devastating as the news may be, “Flying Without Wings” was good enough to push Studdard just over the edge and beat runner-up Clay Aiken, in what has got to be the most mix matched pairing in the history of reality television.

clay vs ruben

(photo credit: http://realitytvmagazine.sheknows.com)

 

 

 

8. “As Long As You Love Me” – Caleb Johnson (Season 13)

“As Long As You Love Me” is far and away the most Un-Idol-ish finale song of all time. This could fit in on any rock station, and even better on any classic rock station. It sounds like it is directly from any late 80’s rock band’s catalogue, and not surprisingly, was written by The Darkness frontman, Justin Hawkins.

Idol’s original winner, Kelly Clarkson, is said to have wanted the song as her own, but due to time constraints, was not able to record it in time, and the track was given to Johnson for his coronation song. Of course, Clarkson would have turned it into a multi platinum hit, while Johnson’s version was one of the least successful finale songs in the history of the show, according to the charts.

 

7. “No Boundaries” – Kris Allen (Season 8)

While many consider Kara DioGuardi’s “No Boundaries” to be one of the worst coronation songs of all time, I personally, played it on repeat so many times in 2008 that still today I could nail it in karaoke without even taking a glance at the screen. Both Allen and Adam Lambert had their own renditions of the song, but “No Boundaries” helped baby-face Kris Allen get that little extra push at the very end to beat out season long frontrunner, Lambert. This is all despite the fact that Kris Allen looks like he is going to have an aneurysm while trying to reach the uncomfortably high notes. Not only does he forget the words, but the track clearly does not suit his voice, and it is painfully obvious. If Allen wasn’t such a heartthrob, this would’ve been one of the worst finale performances of all time. He was just so damn likable, however, that you looked past it, and spent three hours redialing his 866-idols-02 phone number just so he could pull off the huge upset.

 

 

6. “Inside Your Heaven” – Carrie Underwood (Season 4)

On any other American Idol related list, it would be hard to imagine that Carrie Underwood would not land at one of the top two spots. Considering how successful Carrie Underwood has been post-Idol, it is difficult to think of “Inside Your Heaven” as anything but another corny American Idol coronation song. Granted, it is a very good, corny American Idol coronation song, just a wee bit too corny to fully appreciate.

Underwood and her co-finalist, Bo Bice, both sang this as their coronations song, and while Bice did it justice, it was Underwood’s performance (right down to the Kelly Clarkson’esque cry while singing) that makes it one of the most memorable moments in the shows 15 year run.

 

5. “Time Of My Life” – David Cook (Season 7)

David Cook was so good all season that if he didn’t get a decent coronation song, riots would have swept through the streets of LA, the likes of which they have not seen since Rodney King’s unfortunate turn of events.

“Time of My Life” is a radio friendly song that is not cheesy, and is actually quite relatable. The guy just wins American Idol and sings a song about having the time of his life. It’s believable, and catchy, and Cook delivers it flawlessly.

 

4. “I Believe” – Fantasia (Season 3)

I was never a huge Fantasia fan. In fact, I couldn’t stand her, and resented the fact that it was painfully obvious she was going to win for the last two months of the season. Her performance of “I Believe”, however, made a believer out of this guy. It is one of the few Idol performances that I actually get the goosebumps when I watch. Like David Cook’s “Time of My Life”, “I Believe” is among other things, believable. Fantasia truly makes you believe that anything is possible when you believe. If I can go all season not being able to tolerate her, then think her finale song is one of the greatest moments in the show’s history, absolutely anything is possible.

I would actually go to a Fantasia concert just to hear this song. Literally, only this song. Then I would leave. Not before, however, a video of the whitest white-boy of all time, fan-girling over “I Believe” at a Fantasia Barrino concert goes viral.

 

 

3. “Beautiful Life” – Nick Fradiani (Season 14)

The coronation song for current American Idol champion, Nick Fradiani, is by far the best thing that has come out of the show in years. “Beautiful Life” found commercial success, and I consider it to be one of the best songs of 2015. Period. I have no idea how Fradiani snuck through to the end of the show, and ended up winning, but he gave us “Beautiful Life” I am forever grateful to the couple hundred people that bothered voting last season.

“Beautiful Life” is cool, current, and one of the only Idol coronation songs that I can blast in my car without fear of being judged or ridiculed by friends or strangers.

https://youtu.be/CrHuPnveM7Q

 

2. “A Moment Like This” – Kelly Clarkson (Season 1)

Kelly Clarkson’s performance of “A Moment Like This” is one of the most iconic moments in television history, and solidified American Idol as the biggest show on television (for a few years at least). As cliche as it may sound, it was literally like watching a star being born. People all across America were witnessing a young girl from a small town turn into a full blown massive celebrity on a soundstage that now seems to have been made out of a cardboard box.

One final note, if crying longer and harder than Kelly Clarkson’s own mother is wrong, than I don’t want to be right.

 

1. “Home” – Phillip Phillips (Season 11)

Not only is “Home” the best coronation song of the show’s history, but I would go as far as to say that it is the best song that any Idol alumni has released pre or post show. I have never seen the numbers, but I would be shocked if Phillips didn’t receive over 90% of the final votes over his competitor Jessica Sanchez.

Phillips is a guy’s guy, and a ladies man, and one of the most laid back contestants that has ever been on an American reality show. “Home” could easily have been released as a Mumford & Sons track and it would have been a massive hit. Couple that with the fact that it got the exposure of Idol, and it was performed by the most likable contestant in a decade, and you have the recipe for the most successful, and best, American Idol coronation song of all time. Old people loved it, young children loved it, hip 30-somethings loved it. Hell, I think that even Jessica Sanchez’s family prob

ably threw a few votes Phillips’ way after falling in love with “Home”.

 

Tune in tonight and tomorrow to see how the final American Idol coronation song compares to its predecessors.

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50 Greatest Game Shows of All Time

My students often ask me, “When you were our age, Mr. J. what did you want to be when you grew up?” I usually give them some lame answer of  wanting to have a career in travel or hospitality, but the real answer – what I really wanted to be when I grew up –  is a TV Game Show host. As a child I was obsessed with game shows, and vowed to myself that I would someday be a game show host. Sadly, I no longer have a strong desire to host a game show for a living, but it certainly helps explain why I admire Jeff Probst so much.

While many may debate what classifies as a “game show,” this countdown will only include shows that has a new set of contestants each episode (with the obvious exception of returning champions defending their crown.)

 

50. Hollywood Squares (1966 – 1981, 1983 – 1984, 1986 – 1989, 1998 – 2004) NBC,

Let me start off my saying this…. If today, in 2016, I had to choose between sitting down for thirty minutes and watching a 1980’s episode of “Hollywood Squares” or being punched in the face repeatedly for 30 straight minutes, I would choose being punched in the face. When I think of Hollywood Squares I think of two people: Jim J. Bullock and Whoppi Goldberg. I would be hard pressed to find two people in the world that annoy me more than Jim J. Bullock and Whoppi Goldberg. First of all, who the hell is Jim J Bullock and how did he manage to snag the spot of center square? Is that all he is known for? Being the center square?

As a grown man, if I could somehow travel back in time to the mid eighties and slap little Ryan in the face every time he watched (and thoroughly enjoyed) Hollywood Squares, Modern Day Ryan would smack 80’s Ryan so hard that I would be seeing X’s and O’s for weeks.

https://youtu.be/TEH2l8q2ESE

49. The Newlywed Game (On and Off from 1966 – 2013)

I remember going through a very brief phase in which I watched “The Newlywed Game” religiously. I enjoy the overall concept of the game, but have always had a few issues with the way the show is operated.

The first issue I have with the answering part of the game is that the judges/host can be so inconsistent at times. There can be a very fine line between a right answer and a wrong answer. I am someone that likes the answers to be either yes or no, black or white. I hate when there needs to be deliberation to determine if an answer is correct (we’ll delve deeper into this issue when I discuss Family Feud.)

Example: Host –  Husbands, where is your wife’s favorite place to make Whopee?
Husband #1 – Wal*Mart
Husband #2 – Home
Husband #3 – Kitchen

Host: Wives, we asked your husbands, where is your favorite place to make Whopee…
Wife #1 – Family Dollar (XXX Wrong)
Wife #2 – Home (CORRECT!)
Wife #3 – Home? (Sorry, that’s wrong, your husband said “The Kitchen.”)

What? Isn’t the kitchen home? I suppose it is the couples fault for not cheating and discussing any and all possible answers before appearing on the show. For example, “We are ALWAYS going to say “Home” for every even question, and “Casino” for every odd question. And if there is a question involving numbers, we always say 21. No matter what the question is, the answer is 21.

That is my second issue with the show. What don’t the couples cheat???? Even if they were too dumb to come up with some sort of clever system to answer all the questions alike, just whisper to each other for God’s sake. Or do one of those fake coughs…….
COUGH COUGH COUGH BananaCreamPie COUGH COUGH COUGH

Even as a child I feel as though I would have been able to outsmart the sketchy rules of this classic game show. This is money we’re playing for folks, we’re not here to just tell a few jokes and look pretty on camera. If I was on The Newleywed Game I don’t think I would smile one time. It would be all business. And don’t even get me started on the lecture my wife would get in the car on the way home if she lost the game for us.

The most unbelievable answer in the history of game shows. I need Olga on a modern day reality show immediately.

48. Sale of the Century (1969 – 1989) NBC,

As someone that is unable to say no to a good deal, I would probably be the worst Sale of the Century player of all time. Sure, I would be able to answer the questions and get the cash, but on Sale of the Century you are tempted throughout the show to buy certain sale items with your winnings. So I would end up losing all my hard earned dough on a flower print furniture set or a pasta maker just because I can’t pass up a deal.

 

47. Next (2005 – 2008) MTV

“Next” may be the cruelest game show ever devised. It sent one lucky guy or girl on a blind date with a bus full of members of the opposite sex (except for a few very special episodes.) The lucky guy or gal would enjoy the date with a hopeful until the hopeful did something that the “chosen one” disliked. He or she would swiftly end the date by screaming “NEXT” in the face of the hopeful. Sometimes, the NEXT was really bad and you couldn’t help but feel awful for the person getting Next’d. There were many times when a girl (thinking she was hot stuff) would walk off the bus thinking she was “all that” and confidently yelling to the other girls that they didn’t stand a chance because she is hotter than all of them. The second the girls foot touched the ground and the male suitor saw what a mess she was he would yell NNNEEEXXXTTTT!

Below is an infamous Next moment when an incredibly annoying girl falls off the bus, and instantly gets dumped. She is Jersey Shore’s Snookie before Snookie became Snookie.

 

46. Power of 10 (2007-2008) CBS – I have only seen this show a few times, but this is a show for gamblers. It is probably the easiest game show to win $1,000,000. I believe you only had to get 4 questions right and you were at the million. The first kid that ever played the game, in the very first episode, won the million. Basically, the show was “guess a range of numbers between 1 and 100. You were suppose to predict what percentage of Americans would answer a question a certain way, but the questions were typically so obscure that a 3rd grader had just as good of a shot a guessing the answer than a grown adult.

The very first contestant. And the very first million dollar winner.

https://youtu.be/IzRfofgdmf8

Here was a very special crossover episode in which Big Brother 8‘s Amber and Daniele got to leave the Big Brother house to be contestants on the Power of 10. I would like to thank the Power of 10 for reminding me how much I hated Big Brother 8 Amber.

 

45. Win, Lose or Draw (1987 – 1990)

Much like Hollywood Squares, Win, Lose or Draw was littered with D list celebrities, whose 15 minutes of fame had ticked away years prior. I remember as a kid I would always try to play along by not looking at the bottom of the screen at the answer and guessing along with the team. I don’t think I ever got a single answer right before the team, but for some odd reason I still loved watching the show.

I remember also playing Win, Lose or Draw with friends and while I was always a great guesser, I was probably the most useless drawer to ever play the game. The only way I would ever be a successful “draw’er” is if the answer was “house” or “tree.” Anything else and my team would be totally screwed.

44. Don’t Forget the Lyrics (2007 – 2011)

Because of my passion for music, there was no chance that I was not going to enjoy a show called Don’t Forget the Lyrics. The show itself was rather difficult though. I suppose I did not like the fact that if you said something like “a” rather than “the” you would lose the game. They were awfully nit-picky over at Lyrics.

Like many game shows the first song (question) was so easy that any human being on Earth would answer correctly.

Example of a first missing lyric  – (1 lyric missing) Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as _________.

As the game went on, the next few questions were a little more difficult, but certainly manageable.
An example of missing lyric questions 2-4:

(3 lyrics missing) – Britney Spears, 1999. “I must confess, that my loneliness is killing me now, don’t you know I still believe that you will be here, just give me a sign, and hit me baby ____ _____ ____.”

or

(3 lyrics missing) – Beatles, 1964. “Oh please, say to me, you’ll let me be your man. And please, say to me, you’ll let me hold you hand. Now let me hold your hand. I want to ____ ____ ____.”

The show would build up your confidence until you felt certain that you would soon be a millionaire.

Then, the naive contestant would risk it all to go for the million dollar question, which would go something like this.

Million Dollar Question!
(18 missing lyrics) – REM, 1987. “6 o’clock TV hour ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____.”

or…..

(missing 32 lyics) – Barenaked Ladies, 1998. “Hold it now and watch the hoodwink ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ _____ _____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ _____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ _____ ____”

Regardless of how difficult the show was, it was very easy to play along at home and those are always the best kinds of game shows. Don’t Forget the Lyrics was canceled in syndication in 2011. But we must, as a nation, never forget, never ever forget, Don’t Forget the Lyrics.

43. Debt (1996 – 1998)

I am sure not too many people will remember this humiliating show, but man, did I love it. The show introduced contestants and the current amount of debt that they owed, and the contestants were forced to give a quick little funny sentences about how they accumulated so much debt. The person that won the game would have all their debt paid for, and the other two losers would go home with all their debt in tact and the embarrassment of sharing their money issues with the entire country. Seeing as this show was on Lifetime or some station like that, it did not have the budget to pay for mortgage debt, or college loans or anything like that. It was basically “I am $8,000 in debt because I like to PAAAARRRRRTTTTTTYYYYYY!” or “I am $9,500 in debt because I can’t stop going to Target.”

Above is a classic episode in which Ryan, the shows winner, is in debt from deciding to purchase a toupee to cover his receding hair line. A must watch.
42. Minute to Win It (2010 – 2014)

If there is one thing I am good at, it is balancing a toothpick on a wire, while blindfolded and standing on a tricycle.

Hence, my love of Minute To Win It.


41. Couch Potatoes (1989) USA

Couch Potatoes is a television game show about television shows. Hosted by the game show legend, Marc Summers. Couch Potatoes pitted teams of three (usually three men vs. three women) against each other and about 95% of the time the men would win. The guys would win just about every episode, so they began having co-ed teams around episode 10, as to not have feminist groups coming after them for making their questions so difficult for women to answer.

Sadly Couch Potatoes was only on air for about seven months (September of 1989 – March 1990.) Sometimes life is just not fair.

https://youtu.be/KDNOS41nbws

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Who Will Win Every Reality Show You’re Currently Watching?

With so many competitive Reality TV shows currently airing, it is nearly impossible to stay up to date on all of them. Between The Bachelor, which concludes its 20th season on Monday, and The Voice, which is still dragging out completing its Top 48, here is a 100% spoiler-free assessment of who is most likely to win each of your guilty pleasures.

Ranked in Order of “Still Anyone’s Game” to “Solid Lock for Victory.”

10. Top Chef 13: California, Jeremy

Jeremy, Top Chef 15 (photo credit: bravotv.com)

Jeremy, Top Chef 13 (photo credit: bravotv.com)

 

Jeremy came out of the gates with guns blazing, winning two of the first four Elimination Challenges, and being on the top for one of the other two. During Restaurant Wars, however, he crumbled faster and harder than my inevitable NCAA “perfect bracket” will, after a number 15 seed upsets a number 2 seed.
Last week, Jeremy reminded us all of why we all chose him as the likely winner back in week one, by winning the final Quickfire Challenge, as well as the Elimination Challenge.

With Amar or Carl coming back from Last Chance Kitchen this week, Jeremy will have to defeat them, and Top Baker, Marjorie, to take home the prize. Let’s face it, as funny and entertaining as Isaac is, I have a better chance of winning Top Chef than he does.

Alternate Pick (Marjorie)

9. Ink Master 7: Revenge, Christian

Christian, Ink Master (photo credit: spiketv.com)

Christian, Ink Master (photo credit: spiketv.com)

 

Just by looking at this dude, you know that he is the real deal (as far as tattoo artists are concerned.) He is probably the most intimidating reality contestant on TV today, and the most likely of the rookies to be able to take down all of the returning vets.
As if the rookies were not already at a disadvantage for never playing before and having to compete against 8 all-stars, Ink Master has decided to stagger the return of all 8 all-stars, making it even that much more unfair for the newbies. One of the returning all-stars will not be joining the competition until week 8. WTF is up with that?

My prediction: Christian will defeat all 7 rookies, and all 8 returnees, and Dave Navarro will be more dramatic than ever, and barely able to contain his excitement when he can announce Christian as “the greatest winner of all time.”

Alternate Pick: Sausage

8. Amazing Race 28, Tyler & Korey

Tyler & Korey, Amazing Race 28 (photo credit: cbs.com)

Tyler & Korey, Amazing Race 28 (photo credit: cbs.com)

 

Let’s be clear: there is a zero percent chance that these guys are not making it to the finish line. Tyler Oakley is the most famous player to ever compete on The Amazing Race (FYI: I had no idea who he was until three weeks ago, but with over five million Twitter followers, you must be pretty damn famous.)
The Amazing Race can certainly be finagled by the producers to save their favorites (i.e. train/bus/plane times, how many teams they allow to complete each task at once, non-elimination legs,) and there is no way they would risk losing their viewers because their favorite internet personality got eliminated in week five because they had a half-dead taxi driver that drove under the actual speed limit and had to stop and get petro.
Tyler & Korey are locks for the final three, but whether or not they can beat the final two teams (without the help of production) is anyone’s guess.

Alternate Winner: Brodie & Kurt

7. Big Brother Canada 4, Nick (and Phil)

Nick and Phil, BB Canada 4 (photo credit: bigbrothercanada.globaltv.com/)

Nick and Phil, BB Canada 4 (photo credit:
bigbrothercanada.globaltv.com/)

 

Not only are Phil and Nick super likable, fun, and entertaining dudes, but they are also fairly decent at the strategic game of Big Brother. After being totally screwed by the producers by having to play the game together, they were almost destined to not be long for the game. However, with the recent turn of events in the BB house, Phil and Nick are sitting very pretty.

There are much bigger threats in the game, and they are playing both sides just well enough that they are nobody’s targets.

I expect them to split up at some point in the coming weeks, and be able to play for themselves. If that is the case, I almost guarantee that one of them wins (my guess is Nick.) But even if they are forced to play together for the duration of the game, they could be the first duel winners in any North American Big Brother series.

Alternate Winner: Tim (and yes, I did watch his season of BB: Australia. What the hell is wrong with me?)

6. Project Runway All Stars 5, Valerie

Valerie, Project Runway All Stars 5 (photo credit: lifetimetv.com)

Valerie, Project Runway All Stars 5 (photo credit: mylifetime.com)

 

Yes, you read that right. Project Runway is currently airing its FIFTH All Star version. And yes, I am watching the fifth all star version of Project Runway.

With that being said (it feels so good to finally share that secret with the world,) I do gamble with friends on every reality show that I watched, and would not be spending my precious time watching a minute of any Project Runway if I did not have some cash on the line. I do have to admit, however, that Unconventional Challenge Week makes me way more excited than it should.

And Avant Garde Week 🙁

Despite my very limited knowledge on fashion, I have watched a few season of PR, and despite everyone currently fan-girling over Kini, I predict a Valerie upset in the finals, causing Kini to lose at Fashion Week for the second time.

Alternate Winner: Sam

5. Redneck Island 5: Battle of the Lake, Cody & Jorden

Cody, Redneck Island (photo credit: cmt.com)

Cody, Redneck Island (photo credit: cmt.com)

 

Jorden, Redneck Island (photo credit: cmt.com)

Jorden, Redneck Island (photo credit: cmt.com)

 

Side Note: My parents would be so disappointed if they read this and realize how much Reality TV I actually watch.

Anyway, I may be one of the few people that have actually watched Redneck Island from its inception (I promise you, I have a very active social life.)

Cody has completely dominated this season, and now that Jorden is his partner, she is along for the ride to the finals. Like Cody or not, he is great TV, and the small guy that all the big, scary dudes need to watch out for. And now that Tuff is eliminated, Jorden’s path to the prize should be a much smoother journey.

ALTERNATE PICK: Margaret & Josh

4. Survivor 32: Kaoh Rong, Michele

Michele, Survivor Kaoh Rong (photo credit: cbs.com)

Michele, Survivor Kaoh Rong (photo credit: cbs.com)

 

While Michele’s game took a big hit this week with Caleb’s medical evacuation, her and her two female beauty allies are sitting very pretty.

The impending merge will be imperative for each of the remaining 13 contestants, but the beauty girls have the most to lose. Of the three (Julia, Anna, and Michele) Michele seems to be the one that can adapt best post swap/merge.

She has zero enemies, is not a challenge threat, and is likable enough to want to spend the remaining 30 days with. The tribal swap could be the difference between Michele being a bartender in May, or a millionaire.

ALTERNATE PICK: Anna

3. American Idol 15, Dalton Rapattoni

Dalton Rapattoni, American Idol 15 (photo credit: fox.com)

Dalton Rapattoni, American Idol 15 (photo credit: fox.com)

 

Dalton has been one of the frontrunners since his audition episode. He may not be the judges pick to win at the moment (as of the final 8,) but they don’t matter anymore. He is the most marketable of the remaining eight contestants, and likely has the biggest teenage fan following.
His unique renditions of all genres of music helps his to stand out from his competitors. If he can tolerate standing in the shadows of La’Porsha and Trent for a few more weeks, he will be able to step out into the spotlight just in time to be crowed the final winner of American Idol.

ALTERNATE PICK: Trent

2. The Bachelor 20, Lauren B.

Lauren B, The Bachelor (photo credit: abc.com)

Lauren B, The Bachelor (photo credit: abc.com)

 

Granted there is a 50-50 chance for her to win, and predicting Lauren to beat Jo-Jo is as difficult as predicting a coin toss, but I will still mark it as a victory should it occur.
Even though I think Jo-Jo is way more into Ben than Lauren is, Ben will choose Lauren, even though he already told Jo-Jo he loved her.

Am I the only one that wonders how much of an act both Ben and Lauren are putting on to come across so perfect and lovable? I am not sure I know one single person that seems so wonderful as Ben. Rumor has is, Ben slept with all three girls in the fantasy sweet, and America is still in love with the guy. Juan Pablo was nearly burned at the stake after a fling in the ocean with Clare.

Even though I wish Ben (and whoever he chooses) nothing but the best, I would love to see some amateur footage of the two of them getting into a serious argument about who is too good for who, while wasted at their local watering hole, just to make the rest of us feel a little bit better about ourselves.

ALTERNATE PICK: Ben proposes to Lauren B and Jo-Jo

1. Hell’s Kitchen 15, Jared

Jared, Hell's Kitchen (photo credit: fox.com)

Jared, Hell’s Kitchen (photo credit: fox.com)

 

I get it, and I agree with you…. who the HELL cares. I am not sure if this is an endorsement of Jared, or a protest against the remaining eight contestants, but I can not imagine a scenario that Jared does not win the 15th season of Hell’s Kitchen, and become the “head chef” and some random Gordon Ramsey establishment for a few months.

I understand your anti-climatic letdown, but to me, I see nobody else that Ramsey could possibly let win, and am very confident that the couple hundred thousand people that watch the Hell’s Kitchen 15 finale will witness him being doused with all the confetti that the Fox interns can find at the nearest Dollar Store in the vicinity of Hell’s Kitchen.

ALTERNATE PICK: Chad

* Coming Next Week – The Voice Predictions, as well as any changes in the unlikely event that I change my mind.