Author Archives: Ryan Jacobson

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17 Celebrities That Need to Be On Dancing With The Stars

After 24 seasons of ABC’s hit reality show Dancing With the Stars, fans will likely be able to get a good idea about what the cast will look like, even before it’s revealed Wednesday on Good Morning, America.

If past seasons are any indication, there will be a washed up reality star, an Olympian, The Bachelor, a Disney Channel actor, an NFL player, a C-list celebrity that has recently been involved in a controversy, etc.

So, if the producers decided to stray away from their typical cast, and if all the celebrities that got an invite decided to participate, what would the ideal cast look like? The following is a ranking of the 17 celebrities that Dancing With the Stars desperately needs to scout out, to shake up their boring, mundane casting.

17. Tom Bergeron (Host of Dancing With the Stars)

(tvguide.com)

 

Drew Lachey isn’t busy, is he? Good…because that opens the door for comedian and Dancing With the Stars host, Tom Bergeron to take the center stage. The bold move of having a host compete on the very show that they work on would be historic, and hopefully start a trend. Who doesn’t want to see Carson Daly give his best attempt at signing an acoustic version of “Bridge Over Troubled Water?” Or Jeff Probst balancing three eggs on a toothpick while standing on one leg on a rotating log, in the middle of the South China Sea.

And don’t let the guy fool you, he is in pretty decent shape for being in his mid 50’s. Pair him up with Cheryl Burke and he could go from host to champion, easy as pie.

(haverhillfever.com)

 

I love Tom Bergeron and all, but I pray to God that is the last time I ever have to Google search “Tom Bergeron Shirtless”. The things I do for accurate “REAL” journalism.

REALISTIC CHANCE OF HIM EVER BEING ON DANCING WITH THE STARS: 5%

16. Faye Dunaway, Actress

(extratv.com)

 

Now that the world knows how impatient Faye Dunaway is, and how she doesn’t really give a shit about anything, even about screwing up the biggest moment of the biggest night in Hollywood, and the biggest moment in some people’s lives, we desperately need more of her in our lives.

As we saw on the most recent Academy Awards, Dunaway ripped the card out of Warren Beatty’s hands and nonchalantly yelled “La La Land”  before quickly exiting to side stage and letting her man, Warren take the blame for the blunder.

Imagine how many times she would flip out during rehearsals and run out of the room. She would let out at least three F bombs on live TV during the season, and wouldn’t bat an eyelash. She needs to be on live TV. Every. Single. Night.

Pair her with Maxsim Chmerkovskiy and let the fireworks being.

REALISTIC CHANCE OF HER BEING ON DANCING WITH THE STARS – 90%

 

15. Jack Gleeson, Actor, A.K.A. Joffrey from Game of Thrones

(Speeli.com)

How amazing would it be to have Joffrey on Dancing With the Stars. The actor, Jack Gleeson has apparently quit acting after being killed off the HBO series, Game of Thrones, and who can blame him. He very quickly became one of the most hated television characters of all time, and I am sure that there are plenty of hard-core Game of Thrones fans out there that can not separate actors from the characters they play on TV, just like they have a hard time separating real life from fantasy. This guy’s life must have been ruined from playing such a shit-head on TV.

Give the kid a break and let him show the world he is just a normal guy, and not the worst human being to ever step foot on the planet. Plus, who doesn’t want to see Joffrey do the Fox Trot?

REALISTIC CHANCE OF HER BEING ON DANCING WITH THE STARS – 10%

14. Yoko Ono, Singer and Peace Activist

(eonline.com)

 

The fact that Yoko Ono has not yet been on DWTS must mean only one thing…. she was offered and refused. The question is, why?

She loves to dance….

(huffingtonpost.com)

 

She loves to dress in costumes….

(vulture.com)

 

…… and we all know she certainly isn’t afraid of having a nip slip here or there.

(spectator.com)

 

ABC, I don’t care who you have to kill, get this woman on my TV screen. Right. Now!

(mashable.com)

 

On second thought. Please do not kill anybody, ABC. Then Yoko would NEVER join the cast.

REALISTIC CHANCE OF HER BEING ON DANCING WITH THE STARS – 50%

13. Elian Gonzalez, A Cuban

(abcnews.go.com)

With all the immigration controversy happening in our country these days, what better time than to catch up on our old friend Elian. All Elian wanted to do was be like Miley Cyrus and have a little party in the USA. Inste

ad he got a machine gun pointed to his face while he was hiding with his father in the closet by a man who for some reason looks almost equally as terrified as Elian.

What better way to unite our country and tell the world that we are sorry for being such dicks, than to invite the poster child of immigration onto one of our most beloved and cherished reality TV shows and have him put on tights and perform the Paso Doble for us. But only for a few weeks until we realize that Elian must have missed some crucial Cuban dance lessons as a child, because being Cuban and all, he should be way better at dancing.

REALISTIC CHANCE OF HER BEING ON DANCING WITH THE STARS – 40%

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OSCARS 2017 – WHO SHOULD WIN BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

With so many movies represented in any given year’s Academy Awards Ceremony, very few people have time to watch all the movies needed to be fully prepared for Hollywood’s biggest night. Sure, you can read predictions from experts that are well-trained in nit-picking and over-analyzing every move an actor makes, or every scene a director directs, but it’s likely that the majority of movie goers value their friend’s opinion of a movie or performance just as much as what the critics think.

While all five of the actresses below gave memorable, praiseworthy performances, the following is a casual movie fan’s perspective of who is most deserving to win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress at the 2017 Academy Awards.

 

5. Octavia Spencer, Hidden Figures

(photo credit: goldderby.com)

 

While all three ladies from Hidden Figures gave solid performances, Octavia Spencer’s role as Dorothy Vaughan, the mathematician and supervisor, was the least impressive. I’m not sure if the Academy just put the names of all three ladies in a hat and Spencer was the one chosen, but the fact that she got the nod over Janelle Monáe and Taraji Henson is shocking to say the least.

Here are some circumstances I can relate this to in order to help you understand my confusion. Octavia Spencer being nominated over her two co-stars is like….

  • Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child being named “Best Female In An All Black Female Duo or Group” over Beyonce and Kelly Rowland. Or TBoz, Left Eye, or Chili.

    (buzzfeed.com)

  • Larry being named most popular and humorous Stooge

    (Pinterest)

  • Simon being named the chipmunk you most want to be BFF’s with

    (fanpop)

  • Yellow winning an award for most popular primary color

You catch my drift? Octavia Spencer is a phenomenal actress and all, but the Academy was way too over-zealous to follow-up her 2011 Best Supporting Actress Win for her role in The Help.

4. Nicole Kidman, Lion

(photo credit: awardswatch.com)

 

Let’s face it, moms have it rough. They are constantly worrying about what poor choices their children will make. They often times have to walk on egg shells to not “annoy” or “bother” their child. And 99.9% of them continue to stick by their child even when their son/daughter is a complete lost cause.

All this makes being an adoptive mother all the more admirable. In Lion, Nicole Kidman portrays real life Australian adoptive mother of two, Sue Brierley. Not only does Brierley and her husband selflessly adopt two children from India, but she stands by their side despite all their deep-seeded issues. One child suffers from rage and self-harm, while the other child obsesses over finding his real life mother on the other side of the world.

Kidman makes it impossible to not sympathize with, as anyone with a caring mother is all too familiar with the look on her face when she is about to meet her wit’s end. One time, years back, while vacationing in Italy, my mother couldn’t find me as we were touring the Vatican. After getting the entire family to frantically search for what must have been nearly 15 minutes, she dramatically found me as I was educating myself on the history of my religion by listening to the provided headphones and reading along with each of the corresponding informational blurbs about each artifact. IMPORTANT FACT: I was 33 years old. ANOTHER IMPORTANT FACT: Moms are nuts.

Anyway, when my mother and I were finally reunited after what must have been a horrific twenty minutes for her in the holiest place on Earth, the look on her face was very similar to the “wit’s end” Nicole Kidman towards the end of the film.

Job well done, Mrs. Kidman.

 

3. Naomi Harris, Moonlight

(Photocredit: indiewire.com)

 

Fortunately for my family and I, unlike Nicole Kidman, I have no story to relate my mother to the crack head emotionally abusive mother that Naomi Harris plays in the movie Moonlight. 

With that being said, I would imagine that Harris plays the role of the aforementioned crack head emotionally abusive mother, Paula, with the upmost realism.

Regardless, her acting was out of this world impressive, and in many other years, she would easily be the frontrunner to take home the award. Sadly, for her, there are two other woman whose performances out shined even her A+ acting.

 

2. Michelle Williams, Manchester By The Sea

(photo credit: hollywoodreporter.com)

Talk about karma being a big, huge bitch… Nearly two decades after the atrocity of Michelle Williams being snubbed over and over again by the Teen Choice Awards for them refusing to nominate her over fellow Dawson’s Creek actress, Katie Holmes, it is now Williams that is getting the last laugh.

You could cut the tension with a knife on the set of Dawson’s Creek

 

While Holmes was busy taking care of her crazy husband, Williams remained focused on her acting career and has earned a little less than a zillion* nominations and wins for some insanely fantastic roles over the past decade.

Her role as Randi in the film Manchester By The Sea was impeccable and she stole the scene every time she appeared on-screen. Unfortunately, she was only in a limited amount of scenes. If she had just a bit more screen time, I would give her the edge, but in order to beat Viola Davis, she would have to do a little bit more than the approximate 10 spectacular minutes in which she graced our screens.

* I am not exactly sure if the number is actually a little less than a zillion but I do know it is a lot. And a hell of a lot more than Katie Holmes.

 

1. Viola Davis, Fences

(photo credit: awardsdaily.com)

If it weren’t for the fantastic acting in Fences, I doubt I would have been able to make it through the flick without falling asleep a few times. But Viola Davis made it impossible to look away. Her performance of Rose Lee Maxson was absolutely heart-breaking and made me feel actual hatred for her husband, played by Denzel Washington.

Never have I yearned to be a black female rights activist living in 1950’s Pittsburgh more than after watching Davis’ powerful, emotional, and flawless performance. And that’s saying a lot because I can recall wanting to be a black female rights activist living in 1950’s Pittsburgh like at least 7 times just off the top of my head.

Despite the fact that Davis probably should have been nominated for Best Actress instead of Best Supporting Actress, I don’t see a scenario in which she doesn’t walk away with the Oscar on Sunday night.

 

Click here for the Best Supporting Actor countdown

Click here for Best Documentary Short Subject (in my opinion, the most important category)

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Oscars 2017 – Who Should Win Best Supporting Actor

With so many movies represented in any given year’s Academy Awards Ceremony, very few people have time to watch all the movies needed to be fully prepared for Hollywood’s biggest night. Sure, you can read predictions from experts that are well-trained in nit-picking and over-analyzing every move an actor makes, or every scene a director directs, but it’s likely that the majority of movie goers value their friend’s opinion of a movie or performance just as much as what the critics think.

While all five of the actors below gave memorable, praiseworthy performances, the following is a casual movie fan’s perspective of who is most deserving to win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor at the 2017 Academy Awards.

5. Dev Patel, Lion

(Photo credit: Contactmusic.com)

 

Not since Bobby and Cindy Brady were lost in the Grand Canyon has a little Indian boy made such an impact on pop culture. Lion, the story of an Indian boy who gets permanently lost while chilling on a mission with his older brother, is full of memorable performances including Best Supporting Actress nominee, Nicole Kidman, and my own personal nominee for cutest kid of all time, 8 year old, Sunny Pawar. However, it is Dev Patel’s role of missing boy-turned soul searching adult, Saroo Brierley that is most impressive.

While Bobby and Cindy Brady managed to survive getting lost in the wide open Grand Canyon thanks to their Indian friend, it is all but guaranteed they would both be dead in just hours if they got lost in the bustling streets of India.

 

As an Indian-British actor, Patel had to speak in an Australian accent for the role, and  somehow it came off as believable as how easy it would be to get permanently lost on the streets of India.

Unfortunately while Patel certainly deserves the recognition of the nomination, he is up against some incredibly strong actors in some even more unforgettable roles.

4. Michael Shannon, Nocturnal Animals

(Photo credit: vimooz.com)

 

Along with stellar performances by co-stars Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Shannon’s portrayal of “no f*cks given,” Detective Bobby Andes in the thriller, Nocturnal Animals made the film one of the must see movies of 2016.

Shannon’s nomination, while well-deserved, was one of the more surprising nominations of the year. Detective Andes was about as bad ass as you get, and not many actors can do bad ass the way Shannon can. He owned the role and seemed to do so effortlessly. Unfortunately for Shannon, the buzz surrounding many of his other competitors will make the odds of him taking home the Oscar rather unlikely.

 

3. Jeff Bridges, Hell Or High Water

(Photo credit: IMDb.com)

 

The biggest strike against Jeff Bridges winning the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor isn’t the four other actors he is competing against, nor is it the voting Academy members. The biggest hurdle Bridges needs to overcome is himself and his own reputation.

Over the course of his extensive career, Bridges has delivered epic performances time and time again, one of which won him the Best Actor Oscar for the 2009 drama, Crazy Heart, and many of which has earned his nominations.

While his performance as Texas Ranger, Marcus Hamilton in last year’s Western crime thriller, Hell Or High Water is certainly worthy of an Academy Award, just about everything Bridges does* is worthy of an award, and thus, it may come across as less impressive than some of his lesser-known competitors.

* I was planning on making fun of Bridges’ attempt at a career in music, but after listening to his music on Spotify I have come to the realization that this “Dude” can do no wrong.

 

2. Mahershala Ali, Moonlight

(Photo credit : eonline.com)

 

Mahershala Ali was brilliant in his role as Juan, the nicest, kindest, warm-hearted drug dealer of all time, in the critically acclaimed Moonlight. 

Ali was only in the film for the first third, and his absence from the remainder of the film was obvious. Despite the film being littered with memorable characters, Ali’s was the one that stood out from the rest.

Juan may have been a drug dealer and all, but if I ever was in a pinch and needed a babysitter at the last-minute, I know exactly which street corner I would be heading to.

Ali will very likely win the award, but in my opinion, there is one other actor that may deserve it a hair more…

1. Lucas Hedges, Manchester By The Sea

(Photo credit: AceShowbiz.com)

 

In my opinion, of all the nominees for Best Supporting Actor, Lucas Hedges’ portrayal of 16-year-old Patrick Chandler in Manchester By The Sea was the most impressive.

As a relatively unknown teenager, Hedges not only held his own against insanely spectacular performances by Casey Affleck and Michelle Williams, but he may have even stole the spotlight a bit from them.

Looking back on Manchester By The Sea, it is Hedges’ role as Patrick that stands out the most.

While the vast majority of teenagers are sarcastic, bratty, ungrateful and miserable in real life, Hedges nailed the role and his portrayal of an angst-ridden Boston teen was one of, if not the most accurate and memorable performances in any movie from 2016.

 

For a countdown of what I deem to be the most important category in this years Academy Awards, Best Documentary Short Subject, click here.