With so many competitive Reality TV shows currently airing, it is nearly impossible to stay up to date on all of them. Between The Bachelor, which concludes its 20th season on Monday, and The Voice, which is still dragging out completing its Top 48, here is a 100% spoiler-free assessment of who is most likely to win each of your guilty pleasures.

Ranked in Order of “Still Anyone’s Game” to “Solid Lock for Victory.”

10. Top Chef 13: California, Jeremy

 

Jeremy came out of the gates with guns blazing, winning two of the first four Elimination Challenges, and being on the top for one of the other two. During Restaurant Wars, however, he crumbled faster and harder than my inevitable NCAA “perfect bracket” will, after a number 15 seed upsets a number 2 seed.
Last week, Jeremy reminded us all of why we all chose him as the likely winner back in week one, by winning the final Quickfire Challenge, as well as the Elimination Challenge.

With Amar or Carl coming back from Last Chance Kitchen this week, Jeremy will have to defeat them, and Top Baker, Marjorie, to take home the prize. Let’s face it, as funny and entertaining as Isaac is, I have a better chance of winning Top Chef than he does.

Alternate Pick (Marjorie)

9. Ink Master 7: Revenge, Christian

 

Just by looking at this dude, you know that he is the real deal (as far as tattoo artists are concerned.) He is probably the most intimidating reality contestant on TV today, and the most likely of the rookies to be able to take down all of the returning vets.
As if the rookies were not already at a disadvantage for never playing before and having to compete against 8 all-stars, Ink Master has decided to stagger the return of all 8 all-stars, making it even that much more unfair for the newbies. One of the returning all-stars will not be joining the competition until week 8. WTF is up with that?

My prediction: Christian will defeat all 7 rookies, and all 8 returnees, and Dave Navarro will be more dramatic than ever, and barely able to contain his excitement when he can announce Christian as “the greatest winner of all time.”

Alternate Pick: Sausage

8. Amazing Race 28, Tyler & Korey

 

Let’s be clear: there is a zero percent chance that these guys are not making it to the finish line. Tyler Oakley is the most famous player to ever compete on The Amazing Race (FYI: I had no idea who he was until three weeks ago, but with over five million Twitter followers, you must be pretty damn famous.)
The Amazing Race can certainly be finagled by the producers to save their favorites (i.e. train/bus/plane times, how many teams they allow to complete each task at once, non-elimination legs,) and there is no way they would risk losing their viewers because their favorite internet personality got eliminated in week five because they had a half-dead taxi driver that drove under the actual speed limit and had to stop and get petro.
Tyler & Korey are locks for the final three, but whether or not they can beat the final two teams (without the help of production) is anyone’s guess.

Alternate Winner: Brodie & Kurt

7. Big Brother Canada 4, Nick (and Phil)

 

Not only are Phil and Nick super likable, fun, and entertaining dudes, but they are also fairly decent at the strategic game of Big Brother. After being totally screwed by the producers by having to play the game together, they were almost de

stined to not be long for the game. However, with the recent turn of events in the BB house, Phil and Nick are sitting very pretty.

There are much bigger threats in the game, and they are playing both sides just well enough that they are nobody’s targets.

I expect them to split up at some point in the coming weeks, and be able to play for themselves. If that is the case, I almost guarantee that one of them wins (my guess is Nick.) But even if they are forced to play together for the duration of the game, they could be the first duel winners in any North American Big Brother series.

Alternate Winner: Tim (and yes, I did watch his season of BB: Australia. What the hell is wrong with me?)

6. Project Runway All Stars 5, Valerie

 

Yes, you read that right. Project Runway is currently airing its FIFTH All Star version. And yes, I am watching the fifth all star version of Project Runway.

With that being said (it feels so good to finally share that secret with the world,) I do gamble with friends on every reality show that I watched, and would not be spending my precious time watching a minute of any Project Runway if I did not have some cash on the line. I do have to admit, however, that Unconventional Challenge Week makes me way more excited than it should.

And Avant Garde Week 🙁

Despite my very limited knowledge on fashion, I have watched a few season of PR, and despite everyone currently fan-girling over Kini, I predict a Valerie upset in the finals, causing Kini to lose at Fashion Week for the second time.

Alternate Winner: Sam

5. Redneck Island 5: Battle of the Lake, Cody & Jorden

 

 

Side Note: My parents would be so disappointed if they read this and realize how much Reality TV I actually watch.

Anyway, I may be one of the few people that have actually watched Redneck Island from its inception (I promise you, I have a very active social life.)

Cody has completely dominated this season, and now that Jorden is his partner, she is along for the ride to the finals. Like Cody or not, he is great TV, and the small guy that all the big, scary dudes need to watch out for. And now that Tuff is eliminated, Jorden’s path to the prize should be a much smoother journey.

ALTERNATE PICK: Mar

garet & Josh

4. Survivor 32: Kaoh Rong, Michele

 

While Michele’s game took a big hit this week with Caleb’s medical evacuation, her and her two female beauty allies are sitting very pretty.

The impending merge will be imperative for each of the remaining 13 contestants, but the beauty girls have the most to lose. Of the three (Julia, Anna, and Michele) Michele seems to be the one that can adapt best post swap/merge.

She has zero enemies, is not a challenge threat, and is likable enough to want to spend the remaining 30 days with. The tribal swap could be the difference between Michele being a bartender in May, or a millionaire.

ALTERNATE PICK: Anna

3. American Idol 15, Dalton Rapattoni

 

Dalton has been one of the frontrunners since his audition episode. He may not be the judges pick to win at the moment (as of the final 8,) but they don’t matter anymore. He is the most marketable of the remaining eight contestants, and likely has the biggest teenage fan following.
His unique renditions of all genres of music helps his to stand out from his competitors. If he can tolerate standing in the shadows of La’Porsha and Trent for a few more weeks, he will be able to step out into the spotlight just in time to be crowed the final winner of American Idol.

ALTERNATE PICK: Trent

2. The Bachelor 20, Lauren B.

 

Granted there is a 50-50 chance for her to win, and predicting Lauren to beat Jo-Jo is as difficult as predicting a coin toss, but I will still mark it as a victory should it occur.
Even though I think Jo-Jo is way more into Ben than Lauren is, Ben will choose Lauren, even though he already told Jo-Jo he loved her.

Am I the only one that wonders how much of an act both Ben and Lauren are putting on to come across so perfect and lovable? I am not sure I know one single person that seems so wonderful as Ben. Rumor has is, Ben slept with all three girls in the fantasy sweet, and America is still in love with the guy. Juan Pablo was nearly burned at the stake after a fling in the ocean with Clare.

Even though I wish Ben (and whoever he chooses) nothing but the best, I would love to see some amateur footage of the two of them getting into a serious argument about who is too good for who, while wasted at their local watering hole, just to make the rest of us feel a little bit better about ourselves.

ALTERNATE PICK: Ben proposes to Lauren B and Jo-Jo

1. Hell’s Kitchen 15, Jared

 

I get it, and I agree with you…. who the HELL cares. I am not sure if this is an endorsement of Jared, or a protest against the remaining eight contestants, but I can not imagine a scenario that Jared does not win the 15th season of Hell’s Kitchen, and become the “head chef” and some random Gordon Ramsey establishment for a few months.

I understand your anti-climatic letdown, but to me, I see nobody else that Ramsey could possibly let win, and am very confident that the couple hundred thousand people that watch the Hell’s Kitchen 15 finale will witness him being doused with all the confetti that the Fox interns can find at the nearest Dollar Store in the vicinity of Hell’s Kitchen.

ALTERNATE PICK: Chad

* Coming Next Week – The Voice Predictions, as well as any changes in the unlikely event that I change my mind.